Knowing Your Worth

"Pain is a warning that something's wrong."

 ~Madonna

Life teaches us lessons daily. Some lessons are simple, others are more complex and take years to reach completion.  We are not always aware of the lesson when we are experiencing it. 

I learned a very complex lesson through heartbreak, over the last few years. Life is still sending me little reminders as well. I learned about self worth and saying no to people who want something from me. In most cases, these people did not care for my self worth, nor did they respect me. They just wanted to see what they could get through manipulation tactics and flattery.  

The heartbreaking lesson was people will not value you the way that you value them. Sure, they may say they do, but I learned to watch their actions. If their actions do not match their words, then there is a problem. Specifically, my husband of almost 8 years appeared to be the greatest guy ever for me. That all came crashing down when I discovered through investigation that he was secretly partaking in multiple infidelities.... before and while I was battling breast cancer. I will get into the details of that story in another blog post, but the lesson learned here was that he did not value me before, during or after cancer. For 8 years, I lived blissfully ignorant in a sham of a marriage, which I eventually ended and we were just recently divorced. 

However, the trend continues with others. Again, words did not match actions. There were more lies that I investigated and discovered the truth and that was that. I ended interactions with these people immediately, when I unraveled the incredibly complicated web of lies they had been telling me from the beginning. 

There have been others. One was at least bluntly honest in what he wanted, just sex. I said no and he disappeared for a year, only to pop up again with the same intentions. 

Just in recent days, there was another, who happens to be a celebrity from a famous kid's show in the 90s, who I've been casual friends with for years, but have not heard from him in years. He propositioned me to join he and his girlfriend in their sexual activities. There's the lesson again! I declined. 

In my experience with people, the internet and social media have made it so easy to do these kinds of activities without conscience. Loyalty, honesty and integrity are becoming quite rare these days. It is like fishing. They throw a bunch of lines out and see what they can catch and eventually, consume. There is no longer value put on people. 

The problem with that is, people are not consumables and are not disposable. After the last few years of my life, I learned my worth. I felt completely worthless during breast cancer, trying to survive and knowing my then husband's loyalty and attentions were elsewhere. I had to focus on myself and my health and in the process learned that my value as a human being was not based on another person or the attention of another person, even my husband. 

So I beat cancer, recovered from my surgeries and left that situation with additional knowledge of people's behavior and motives. Most important of all, was my self worth and now refusing to ever be treated like that again. 

So the lesson here is, no matter what situation anyone is in, we are all worth more and should refuse to be lied to, cheated on, abused physically, emotionally or mentally, and physically devalued as just a sex object. It doesn't matter who the person is, nor their social or economic status. There is nothing wrong with saying no to any person or situation that attempts to devalue you. Know your worth and refuse to be treated as a consumable. 

Honestly, I would rather be alone than ever be treated like that again.